blue girl bites back

I dunno….

They said that love is doing someone to make someone happy.

even if you’re a boy or a girl, you’ll do what you can. SO there will be no pakipots or

kuripots, just be yourself.

So  therefore when i’m in love i’ll try my best to make him happy.

I was so lonely now, and so i phoned him. *sigh* nothing to do…

It was silent at the phone and i know he can feel how much i love him…

I never changed. Still the same lame person you’ve ever met.

He said we’ll meet. I was just "okay"…

"Call me again this thursday to remind me," he added.

ANd i said, "okay"

Then thursday came, 9:00 pm as he said. I want to call but i nevr did.

Maybe It’s for the reason that i want to test if he’ll call back.

I don’t want to be a crack head, that has tail behind my back.

But i heard no ringing on the telephone…

Maybe he lost my number.

Maybe he’s so busy for his thesis.

yeah that’s it… but then the time has passed. I did not call him.

So is he gonna show up today at the Rendezvous?

That’s a big question right now…

If he can’t take it he’ll try to show up there…

Somehow.

I just cried this useless tears. I hate it. I hate how i can’t stop these emotions.

I’m afraid to blinded by my feelings. Maybe i’m just really selfish. I can’t stand alone.

i just needed someone. I can’t  be like him… so busy, so fully motivated… maybe

there is already this someone that gas him up. or maybe he’s just being so

reasonable… I can tell his thinking is different from other boys. There are totally

a lot of possibilities.

I’m confused. I’m afraid that he will not show up.

If only i called.

I need to talk to him for clarifications… or for personal needs, deeper than you

think…

I want to tell him that he inspires me. He inspired me to become a better person.

Even though we will not end up with each other. I want him to watch me reach my

dreams. Just that, it’s enough.

He’s an important fragment of my past. The first person that taught me  the value of

knowledge, the value of being yourself and maybe the value of love… so that’s why i

want him to know that i cared for him too… but then…

I just don’t know how to repay him.

for being there when i call. yeah he’s there to listen even though i thought he’ll get

tired of hearing me being so whinny.

It’s just i am afraid that he’s all i got right now. after i found out that i never got

enough true friends to take my blues away.

well if he did show up i want to throw him a hug but on the other hand, I will not

whine, I’ll move on and maybe set another date haha. Our friendship does not end so

why would i forget him? Maybe i’ll forget the feeling, but not the person. We’ll be the

same person that cares for each other whatever it takes.

Well to think of it? why does boys and girl keeps deep friendship?

A. for hidden intentions? (a secret lover)

B. for contact reasons (he’s useful or she helps for business)

C. he’s gay

I think those are only the reasons. BOys and girls can never be so close

otherwise, it will show like these:

Gap spaces: (spelling, it symbolizes something)

Not that close                                         So close

Boy  friend                      =                      BoyFriend

Okay.

so when i analyze. he’s my boy friend. and one space to go and he’ll be my boyfriend. It’s so near. haha. so i think we wont have to loose each other. I know he’s aware of this. We’ll end up into something. I hope.

but to remind you i’m not so much into this.

Once i type it all these feelings down. It may loose it’s value.

LIke exposing a film into the light.

My feelings will be exposed and be useless someday.

Okay thank u. bow.

here I am again.having episodes.tired,lonely,restless… I have dreams but i feels so uninspired. WHy do i feel this way?

First you have to know the problem:
The problem is… I have not much social life. (i know its sucks so much) I dont know how to make mine alive and kicking… (such a loser)

I’m afraid that I have loosen my interest to mingle with other people again if I was this stuck so much at home… I’m becoming the speechless girl again (highschool years) But i’m mature enough to not repeat the same mistakes as before.

SO i resolve my problems with: making list to make me happy!

Okay these are the things that could make me happy:  (not in chronological order)

1. a song entitled: dream by priscilla ahn

2. Thoughts of my restaurant to put up

3. being a successful advertiser/ graphic artist

4. THoughts of hanging out wih my friends (because they’re really busy now (job) and i am still studying)

5. Having a best true boyfriend {or making him come back for real and make me his true girlfriend for the first time even not on his full time…(impossible)}

6. hobbies

7.God

8. selling my comics - actually i have a lot of stories in my head…
Thinking that each one of them will be a big hit movie! woah!!!

9. selling paintings (but im not that good in painting ill do my best)

10. money for my restaurant

11. i want to be successful so that my parents will be proud of me… (my first priority)

12. Becoming the better person (hey not bitter!)

13. Friends! hope they’ll help me reach my dreams

14. People, contacts, to be successful/

Whoah! I feel so relieved. I really love typing down all these stress. this takes me away from being a mess!

okay so long….

I hope that I will always be cheery again!

Love lots!

— how can i achieve my dreams?