blue girl bites back

  This is how it goes…

Why did i cry so hard last wednesday? I saw jaypee’s face, he told me some words… "what happened to you’re face? You dont look well" Maybe i dont look that well anymore. I dont look prettier (kelan pa ba?). He said, he expect (that’s what i also expect) me to be prettier, since vacation came and the last time he saw me i was blooming. It sucks, I know but I am captivated by this sort of intimidation. I know his words are not negative. He just cared in someway.

      Well so I guess people get what they deserve.  I was a bad girl, and i pity myself so much. I may start to look stressed maybe because of being so down, being so affected by the things around me. Why is that? is it because iam being so weak all the time? Am i being so pessimistic too much?

    ALong all the people my classmates have met, maybe I’m the one who is hard to understand. Even me, I cant understand my self all the time. I know, I can’t control myself especially my emotions (no not emo stuff sheesh…).

     Well, I’ve seen some of my highschool batch mates, some of them are like the ugly duckling who turned into a swan, some of them are pretty who became more prettier. Intimidated by these thoughts, envy kills me. This sucks, I know how to battle these thoughts. Let me just say, "Bawiin nlng sa ugali lahat ng yan." But, I guess I can’t tell if I’m really a good girl?? I want to become one! Even though I dont shine externally let it be my heart to reveal true colors. But how??!

        I want to care with all these people especially the one i call my friends. But I’m a little bit frightened, I somehow feel I got few and when I search for them, they seemed to turn me down. Or maybe, I dont appear so friendly and kind to them. I want to appear like that! Maybe all of the people who knows me thinks that I dont care about them! But i actually do!

DEVIL WANTS TO BE AN ANGEL

——– is it possible?

so that’s all i can say..

         I wont tell anything about him anymore, like i always do… come on’ NOT ANYMORE

goodnight

   why do we need to stay as friends? we will not care about each other anymore or maybe i overlook what you said… maybe those words are really not for me…  the hell i will just say i will not care for you anymore! You! if your reading this bullshit! KINDLY erase me from your friendlist! If its true that you dont really care for me. I’m sick of you, but if our paths crossed, my BIG DREAM is to SLAP your FACE then i’ll flash a big smile!

    Well enough about you. I’m excited, malapit na pasukan as in 3 days na lang… Namiss ko na ust and some friends. Namiss ko na mag paint at mag tambay sa school. Promise kong maging best na student ngaung year. well d ko na nga sasabihin un baka maudlot pa eh. Ewan ko nga bat pag sinasabi ko ung ibang bagay nauudlot? bat ganun cguro kasi expect the unexpected kaya, better not say anything for them to expect nothing (gets?)

         Well, e2 nanaman walang magawa, ayaw ko na talagang matulo kasi masama lagi dream ko, kung hindi horror, guerra, kung hindi ganun napapanaginipan ko ung taong walang kwenta. teka ka nga bat tagalog na tong blog ko? kaya pala ako ang bloblog eh kasi to practice my english ability so now, im back to using this english medium.

    =yawn=     im sleepy now, ill continue my story tomorrow. Goodnyt!

  Awaken! Yeah after a big "caldero" fell on my head. I’ve been focusing on someone who’s not worthy enough and I realize to stop it! After all, I just focused on him just to get rid of my ex bad doings. in other words, try to use him alittle bit for me to escape. 

    LOVE LoVe love, my love is pure but you dot want it ad so be it! Who wants a stupid guy who can’t see all your worth? Yeah call him stupid for not seeing the beauty that lies within you, if there really is! LOL. I wish he still have time for our friendship. Or else i’ll slap him on the face when i see him!

                okay! Oyasuminasai!

  Oh my, what has gotten into me these days? I’ve been visiting his friendster page everyday, and sometimes view the girls commenting on his page. Am i becoming what they called stalker? I hope I’m not that crazy.

    Well maybe i’ll think everything as a dream… Those moments that we’ve spent together, they’re breathe taking but i dont know if they really exist. It’s all unknown, without you telling me that they did happen.

      But, I really trust you.

Your words are the only thing that keeps me holding on.

I know you’re different from all of the other boys. Like you always said.

If it is not true———-

                                    Please tell me…..

but please not yet, not today, I’m not yet ready….

HOPE AGAINST HOPE

that’s what i feel.

                           I know you’ll be back someday. Oh god. This is so confusing but still I’ll be optimistic.

I guess I’ll be concern about my well-being and concentrate on how to be a good girl. That’s the best thing I can do, ’til you come back or not…

-Okay sleep tight don’t let the bugs bite because i’ll bite you back.